As many of you have read, my boyfriend and I are currently in a long-distance relationship. Back in March, my boyfriend was given the opportunity to apply for his dream job: coaching sailing for a living in Annapolis. While it wasn't exactly in the city he wanted to be in, he went for it with a little push from his step mom, dad, and me. In April his step mom, little sister and him went out to Annapolis for a weekend so that Ian could interview with J.World and explore the area with someone who knew their way around. In the beginning of May/end of April, we received the wonderful news that Ian was being offered the job! I was both so happy for him, but also a little sad that I wouldn't be near my love during the summer months. Then the week before graduation (and the week of finals) I was given the opportunity to apply for an internship in H.R. at a company in the suburbs of Chicago. Less than 24 hours after submitting my application, I was offered the job. Of course Ian and I were both excited for the paths we were facing but sad that we wouldn't be in the same city as each other.
Here are our tips for those who are in a long distance relationship or about to embark on one:
1. Communication I know it sounds silly, but communication is really the key to success in any relationship, but especially distance. That doesn't mean texting at all times of the day, what I mean is communicate quality versus quantity. Make sure to always greet your partner every morning and every night before bed. Communicate on what you are doing, especially if the situation may make your partner feel uncomfortable. Be honest with your partner about your emotions, insecurities, jealously, because all of those things can build up if hidden. Don't try to deal with these things alone, include your partner so that they can help ease your emotions.
2. Prioritize By this I mean to prioritize your relationship. It is so easy to get caught in the day to day routines and to-do lists, but you can't let your relationship slip to the wayside. Something we have found helpful with is to schedule times to talk on the phone or to video Skype call each other. That way, we both have a blocked off time that we devote our attention to each other fully rather than just responding to a text when we have the opportunity.
3. Set Ground Rules Talk about what both of you expect out of this relationship and what you aren't comfortable with. It's important that both partners are comfortable with the situation present.
4. Do Things Together Just because you may be miles apart, doesn't mean you can't do something together. Ian and I always have fun when we play a game online together. I suggest playing a game online together or watching the same movie/television show.
5. Have a Goal in Mind By creating a neutral goal, you both can start working towards that goal. This goes along with communication. Figure out how long you really want to spend apart from each other and realistically look at who could move closer to the other one. (Ian and I are still working on this one!)
6. Stay Positive Sure, the waiting between visits can be very painful. However, to keep a long distance relationship alive, you cannot harp on the pain of missing each other because believe me you both are feeling it. By staying positive, it helps keep the conversations interesting rather than depressing.
7. Plan Visits Take the time to look at a calendar together and plan weekend visits to each other. By doing so, it shows that you both care and are invested in making an effort to visit each other. Although make sure the visits are even, not that one person is doing majority of the traveling.
8. See this Experience as an Opportunity Look at this time as a learning experience and an opportunity for your relationship to grow. Someone once said "If you want to live together, you must first learn to live without each other". After being apart for some time now, I do believe this to be true. This distance is a test of our love for each other and it's going to bring us closer together, build a bigger bond.
Always remember that love is just as much a feeling as it is a choice. You make the decision to love each other and work at a relationship or to let it slip away. Ian and I are choosing to love each other through this time physically apart and do the best we can.
My Favorite Men's Finds on the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale:
- Vineyard Vines Button Up
- Green Chinos
- AG Jeans
- Vineyard Vines Polo
- Ian's Favorite Boots These are Ian's favorite boots, and they are on a really great deal right now!
- Sunglasses
- Swim Trunks
Comment below with your advice for making the long distance work.
XOXO-Mandie